Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
