from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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