Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
