Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
