I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
smell my finger.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
