my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
