this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
