i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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