Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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