It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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