Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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