I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize