yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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