Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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