i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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