This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
