I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
