Pants 0. Shit 1.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
