sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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