I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
