Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize