the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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