In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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