HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
