I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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