I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
