mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
