there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
