just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
