its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
