i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
