he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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