I just made out with a guy for $7.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
