i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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