come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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