i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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