You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
be right there i have to get my cape
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
