im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My ass is underappreciated
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
