you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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