I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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