I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
