Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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