Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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