It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
