I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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