i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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