This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
