Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
