question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
