he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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