I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
