I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
we're so committed to being not committed
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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