im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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