If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
