Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
