I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i was born a porn star she said
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
