So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
