Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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