I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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