You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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