take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
