I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
