If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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