i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
