Hey man sorry I got all grabby
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
