youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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