I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
