Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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