In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
