if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize