I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
