I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
