Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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