This is not my ceiling
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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