my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
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