fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
