I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
