Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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