I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
