I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
