i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
