ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
