you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
