Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize