i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
