he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
