Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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