I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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