Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
