if you like me you must not know who I am
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize