A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
