Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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