I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
All I want is dick and wine.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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