quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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