I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
