It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
