Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
