New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He passed out mid-signature
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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