Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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