My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just puked most of my soul out..
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
