Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
