oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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