I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
