There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
