I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize