I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
