So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
