Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
